Outdoor cooking

Just because camp and bivvi food must be lightweight, that does not mean that it can't be good quality. It is a mistake to turn to dehydrated meals and other instant snacks — they are expensive and actually make your pack seem heavier than fresh food, as the stove and pots are still required and you are not properly nourished thereby.

Bivvi cooking beautifully illustrates just what one can do without, and still turn out plenty of delicious and nutritious food. The tips and recipes on this page will hopefully persuade you of that.

The equipment

The MSR Whisperlight international — gets my vote.

Stove
To my mind, the MSR Whisperlight International is the best, hands down. It's lightweight, very hot, easy to repair and maintain in the field and will run on anything from aviation fuel to diesel (though unleaded petrol is best). Contrary to popular belief, petrol stoves are not dangerous if you are familiar with them, and I have cooked many meals on MSRs inside tents as small as Quasars. Gas stoves use twice as much fuel, which comes in difficult-to-find, expensive and environmentally unfriendly canisters. If you insist on using a gas stove, you will need to protect it from wind and have spare gas. Even then, it won't pack the heat you need to fry at a proper temperature, and the bloody things always fall over. I'm not a fan of Trangias either — they're heavy, not hot enough and I don't like cooking on aluminium. All these recipes can be cooked on a single stove.

Pot
Most of these dishes only require one pot, but two will expand your horizons greatly. Don't use aluminium, it's weak, burns and bad for your health. Select a simple lightweight stainless steel pot, two litres for two or three people, but don't bother with a lid or handle. If you use a tin plate, it doubles as a lid. If you need a handle, buy one of those little grippers or stop being a pansy and use your hands.

The rest
Add to that a pen-knife, a tin plate, a tin or hard plastic mug and a spoon each. Into the stove bag throw two lighters, an MSR repair kit, a tiny pot of detergent and bit of nylon pot-scrubber. That's it, leave everything else at home. The whole kaboodle should strap together with the stove inside and weigh about a two pounds plus the fuel.

The ingredients

Basic ingredients
It's worth having a little bag with the essential ingredients in, otherwise you tend to end up buying them every time and carrying far to much of them. These recipes assume you have such a kit, which might include small plastic pots of tea leaves, sugar and milk power (if required for tea), sea salt, chilli sauce, oil, herbs and a bulb of garlic.

Quality
In these recipes, I'm always specifying to use high-quality this, expensive that. This might appear extravagant and unnecessarily pricey, but trust me, it's not. Using the best food is usually better value in the long run — it might cost 50% more but it will taste twice as good, is healthier and will actually make the cooking easier. And it will still cost a fraction of the formulaic rubbish served in the pub.

Quantity
Unless stated, all these dishes are big enough to satisfy two hungry climbers but will stretch to three. Scaling up should not present too much of an arithmetical challenge.

The recipes

Breakfast

• Breakfast Sandwiches
• Porridge
• Kippers

Lunch

Dinner

• Lamb Stew and Dumplings
  • variations:
  • Student's Stew (economy version)
  • Lamb Tagine (Morrocan Lamb)
  • Pork in Cider
  • Beef Stew
  • Beef Goulash
  • Coq-au-vin
• Chicken / Lamb / Chick-Pea Rogan Josh / Madras / Korma (ie. curry)
• Bangers and Mash with Onion Gravy
• Tagliatelli Carbonara

Breakfast

Breakfast sandwiches

The key to a good breakfast is good ingredients. Don't use soggy bacon and economy sausages, it's not worth the effort. It's possible to serve up a full fried breakfast using two pots, but it's a bit fiddly and tends to get cold quickly. The alternative is the breakfast sandwich, which can contain any or all of the fry-up ingredients and saves washing up. One of the great things about the breakfast sandwich is that, if you put the ingredients and some water to hand before you retire, you don't have to get out of your sleeping bag to cook it. Oh, and it's absolutely gorgeous.

Suggested ingredients (only the bread is essential):

• Half a good large loaf (slice in advance) or four large baps
• Quality thin sausages. Poor sausages are a false economy, and fat ones are hard to cook
• Dry-cured quality bacon. The ordinary flaccid, moist stuff is no good, it boils instead of frying and makes a mess of the pan. Good bacon is very pricey, it's better to leave it out than to buy cheap stuff
• Mushrooms
• Two eggs (pack inside your mug)
• Tin of Beans. If you don't take beans, you will need some butter or sauce to lubricate the sandwiches.

Start by putting on water for tea, this will help you to wake up. If you use good leaf tea, there's no need for a pot or a strainer, just put a pinch in the mug before the water and it will settle to the bottom.

Next, start frying the sausages, gently, in plenty of oil. They take the most time. When they are about half done, put the bacon in too and turn up the heat. If it gets watery, pour the juice into a mug and add some fresh oil, you don't want to boil the bacon.

Add the mushrooms towards the end, and they will absorb the fat. When everything is fried up to your satisfaction, transfer it to a plate and pour the beans into the dirty pot (shake the tin before opening). Add any spare juices and a dash of chilli sauce and heat the beans, stirring often, and put the plate on top to keep the food warm.

When the beans are hot, assemble the sandwiches and enjoy. If you're having eggs, fry these gently in another pan as you eat, then make a second sandwich with eggs and the remaining beans. Heat water and detergent in the dirty pot as you eat, and it will wash itself up.

More tea? Lovely.

Porridge

I'm not a porridge fan, but I have to admit that it's quick, filling, lightweight and easy to cook, the only real downside being the washing-up afterwards (and the lack of taste). Milk is really not necessary, just add sugar and/or salt to taste and only boil for a few minutes. Porridge can be transformed from bland stodge to tasty stodge by adding hot chocolate power or jam. Don't make too much as it's a bugger to dispose of.

Kippers

Kippers are now sold in handy odour-free vacuum packs which don't go off, so they are ideal for camping use. Fry gently in butter for a few minutes each side. Ideal served with beans and bread — put the kippers on a tin plate on top of the beans as you heat them so they stay warm.

Lunch

I never bother cooking at lunchtime, instead tend to go for sandwiches, fruit and malt-loaf. But why not pack the stove into your rucksack and have a brew-up during the day? Very satisfying at the top of a big climb, and impresses onlookers.

Evening

Lamb Stew and Dumplings

An absolutely gorgeous and warming dinner that is cooked in a single large pot. It takes about an hour and a half to cook, so it will drive you insane with its delicious smell. It also means you are likely to reach the pub later than usual, so bring a hip-flask. Ideal for autumn and winter, when the vegetables are cheap and plentiful. For the stew you will need:

• Lamb, about 300 - 400g. The cheap stewing or braising stuff is fine, get it cut into chunks. Don't be scared of a little fat. And buy British, won't you?
• Two medium onions (or one large, or three small. Come on, it's common sense stuff, cooking!)
• About two pounds of assorted veg, including some or all of carrots, potatoes, leeks, parsnips and swede.
• 0 - 8 cloves garlic, depending on how much you like garlic
• Can of bitter (Optional. Buy four and drink the other three.)

For the dumplings (mix this lot up in advance):

• One mug of self-raising flour
• Quarter to a third of a mug of suet
• Pinch of salt Herbs to taste (try parsley and rosemary)

Hack up the onions, and put them in to fry with the meat really hot. If you find that the pan's got very hot but the food is not really cooking, add a little beer or water and it should kick-start things.

Meanwhile, peel and chop all the other veg into nice chunky chunks. When there are no red bits and some brown bits on the meat, throw in all the veg and stir gently keeping the heat on full. The veg will sort of steam and fry at the same time. After a while you will get bored of this, at which point you mix in a spoonful of dumpling mix and add beer or water so it does not quite cover the food. Add herbs and salt to taste, bring to the boil, then simmer for an hour (yes, an hour) stirring whenever the fancy takes you. Simmering MSRs is an acquired skill requires some degree of prescience.

Now for the fun bit. Put almost all of the dumpling mix in another pot. If you haven't got one, use in a deep plate or a couple of mugs. Slowly add water and stir well (this should be hard work) until the whole lot sticks together in a slightly gooey dough. Stir some more. If you've just finished the other three beers, you may find it more fun to throw away the spoon and scwidge it with your hands.

Now form the dough into four to six balls, tossing each in the bag the mix came in if it's too sticky. Place them on the surface of the stew, cover well, and continue to simmer for another twenty minutes. To tell if they are done, stick a clean knife into them. If sticky mixture is left on the knife they need a bit longer.

Excellent with mustard.

Variations

Not only is this a great recipe on its own, but you can also use it as the template of a whole host of other stews and casseroles, so you can appear to be a knowledgeable and versatile chef while only knowing one recipe. Here are some of the best variations.

Students' Stew (economy version)

Use a (decent) packet of sliced-up sausages and any left-over bacon instead of the lamb, and drink the beer rather than cooking it.

Lamb Tagine (Moroccan Lamb)

Leave out the green veg, beer and dumpling mix, and add a handful of dried apricots and some chilli sauce, a couple of chopped tomatoes and plenty of tomato purée. Serve with couscous instead of dumplings. (Couscous is a doddle; just boil two mugs of water, stir in one mug of couscous, remove from heat and cover. Wait five minutes, fluff up with a fork and serve. Requires a second pot.)

Pork in Cider

Use chopped-up pork belly instead of lamb, and add a large chopped cooking apple along with the veg. And of course, use cider instead of beer (buy a two litre bottle and drink the rest).

Beef Stew

Use braising steak instead of lamb and add some chopped tomatoes.

Beef Goulash

As for beef stew, but leave out any green veg, up the potato content and add a very generous helping of paprika powder, a squirt of tomato purée and some chilli sauce.

Vegetable Stew

Add a veg stock cube, some mushrooms, perhaps some fake meat (such as soya chunks) and put start the dumplings as soon as the stew boils.

Coq-au-vin

Substitute a four to six small chicken portions (drumsticks or thighs) for the lamb, add some mushrooms and use big glass of red wine in place of beer (buy a whole bottle and…). This goes better with rice than with dumplings (see curry, below, for the best way to cook rice).

Chicken / Lamb / Chick-Pea Rogan Josh / Madras / Korma (ie. curry)

A good curry is a great way to warm up after a cold day on in the hills, and it's pretty easy to cook. You'll need:

• 300-400g of chicken breasts or thighs OR good lamb OR a mug of chick peas.
• Two or three onions
• Two or three tomatoes, (double for Rogan Josh).
• A handful of new potatoes (scrub, don't peel)
• Some fresh spinach (optional, omit for Korma)
• Any other veg you fancy, such as cauliflower or bell peppers, cut into strips
• Small jar of appropriate curry paste (note: paste is different from sauce, in that it contains only spices and oil whereas sauce is full of water and unnecessary thickeners and is heavy. Paste lasts longer too.)
• Plenty of oil, or better still, ghee
• Garlic
• A couple of chillis, fine chopped (optional, sauce can be used instead)
• Half a box of dried/creamed coconut (Korma only).
• Mug of Basmati rice (use Basmati rice only, no other sort. It's nicer, and you can use the fantastic no-drain no-wash cooking method which is easy and economical.)

If you are going for the vegetarian chick-pea option, leave the peas to soak overnight in plenty of water, then replace the water and boil them before use.

Otherwise, cut the meat into strips. Get the onions and meat frying really hot in far more fat than is actually healthy, and fry like the clappers until it starts to brown. Add the potatoes (chopped into chunks), roughly cut garlic and other veg and keep frying. Try to singe the meat and veg without actually burning it too much for the best taste. Add the tomatoes and chillis and fry for a few minutes more, then blob in a few spoons of curry paste and a few spoons of water. This should cause a great big hiss and a huge cloud of steam, through which you should stick your face and grin maniacally at the other campers. Now we're really cooking.

Add the chick peas, coconut and spinach if using. Continue to simmer the curry for about twenty minutes, adding enough water to keep it moving but not so much that it goes all runny, we're after that lovely thick fatty texture you get in the curry-house at home. Don't let it stick to the bottom. Taste as you go, and add more paste until it is spicy enough, then add chilli sauce until it is hot enough.

Now for the rice. Many people struggle with rice when camping, usually when trying to strain it with no proper lid, no oven gloves and no sink. It invariably ends up on the floor. If you use my method (and Basmati rice), there is none of that mucking about straining or washing.

Cover the curry and put to the side. Put the rice in a mug, flatten it off and note how full the mug is. Pour it into a pot and add some oil, shaking it about until the rice is nicely covered with a layer of oil. Heat it gently.

Now fill the mug up to the same level with water, tip it into the pot, refill the mug to two-thirds of the level and tip that in too. Don't just guess the amount of water or it won't work. Bring the rice to the boil, stirring so it doesn't stick. As soon as it boils, cover and turn the stove down to its absolute minimum, so the rice is not really boiling, but just thinking about bubbling a bit.

Now do nothing whatsoever for ten minutes. Don't stir it, don't even look at it. Have a glass of wine. After ten minutes, take it off the stove and re-heat the curry for two or three minutes. Now you should have hot curry and perfectly moist, fluffy rice that has not gone sticky or got burned.

You don't? So sue me.

Bangers and Mash with Onion Gravy

A bit of a classic, relies heavily on the quality of the sausages. Bangers are cheap compared to most other meat, so why not buy a selection of really good ones? Use real potatoes if possible, but they are obviously heavy, bulky and harder to cook, so instant potato mix is a reasonable substitute. Requires two pots.

• Six assorted bangers
• One large onion
• Two pounds of potatoes OR enough instant potato mix to make a litre and a half
• Butter or mayonnaise (optional)
• Grainy mustard (optional)
• A little gravy powder OR a little cornflower and a stock cube

Start by boiling a litre and a half of water. Put the boiling water in the tent on a carry mat, cover and insulate with a sleeping bag. Try not to let your mate knock it over. In fact, use your mate's sleeping bag.

Start gently frying the sausages in another pan. It takes at least fifteen minutes for bangers to cook through so take it slow and don't burn the outside.

Meanwhile, scrub (don't peel) the potatoes and cut into small bits. Slice the onion into thin rings. When the sausages are about half done, throw in the onions and keep frying.

Put about three teaspoons of gravy powder or cornflower into a mug and add the stock cube and a tiny dash of water. Mix into a smooth paste, and keep adding water and stirring until you have about a third of a mug of muddy water with no lumps.

When the sausages are done, put them aside, add the potatoes to the water and boil hard (or just mix in the powder for instant potato). The smaller the potato bits are, the quicker they cook. When they are soft all the way through, get a gullible friend to drain them and tell them they owe you a pint if they drop any on the floor.

Reheat the sausages and add the muddy water, stirring all the time. When it gets near a boil, the muddy water should thicken into gravy and you might have to add a little more water. If it's too thin, quickly make up some more muddy water and add.

Smash up the potatoes with a fork, adding lots of butter or mayonnaise and a blob of grainy mustard.

Pile the mash onto the plates and stick the sausages around in a pyramid. Pour the onion gravy over the top.

Variations
You can follow exactly the same method using pork chops, pork steaks or lamb chops instead of bangers.

Tagliatelli Carbonara

Exactly the kind of food you can avoid with these recipes. That hat would be good for keeping things warm though.

Spaghetti bolognese, once a perfectly respectable Italian dish, has now been ruined for me by the 'economymince economytomatoes economyspaghetti and there you go' brigade. Of course, you can cook it properly, but to most people it will still be 'just spag bol'. This carbonara is a delicious alternative. Quick and easy, it requires two pots and the pasta to be strained, which is always traumatic when camping. Delegate.

• Half a pound of bacon, bacon chunks or ham chunks ('lardons' en français. Isn't that a great word?)
• Two or three onions
• Some mushrooms
• A couple of celery sticks (optional)
• A sweet pepper (optional)
• Plenty of garlic
• Two eggs (optional)
• Up to half a kilo of tagliatelli (or other pasta)
• Small pot of double cream
• Salt and herbs to taste (try tarragon and basil)

Two-thirds fill your largest pan with water, add plenty of salt and boil. Put the pan in the tent on a carry mat and cover and insulate with a sleeping bag.

Chop up the bacon, onions and celery and fry fiercely. If a lot of water comes out, pour it into a mug and add back at the end. Add pepper and garlic and mushrooms and keep frying until you have lots of tasty burned bits, then put the pan aside.

Boil up the water again and add the pasta. Boil it as fast as you can without making a mess, as it prevents sticking. When it is only just cooked through, take it off but do not strain yet.

Mix the cream into the sauce and reheat gently. Separate the eggs (the easiest way is to make a little-finger sized hole in the pointy end with a knife, and simply pour the white out into a mug. The whites can then be used to make pisco sour.)

When the cream bubbles, turn the stove to minimum get your gullible friend to drain the pasta (under the same agreement as the potatoes, above).

Now, the proper Italian way to proceed is to dump the sauce into the pasta pot, add the egg yolks and stir it about, letting the eggs set under the heat of the pasta. If you're paranoid about salmonella, whisk the egg yolks into the sauce and warm through. Then dump it into the pasta.

Throw sliced cheese on top if you have any. If you know each-other well, don't bother with plates! Damn it's good.

Variations
The pot of cream is a bit of a liability, as it's unhealthy, heavy and breakable. You can use instant white (bechemél) sauce instead, but don't expect it to taste half as nice.

Send in your own outdoor recipes

If you have a favourite camping recipe, let me know. It must be doable with the equipment listed at the top and be reasonably easy, quick and available. And I have to approve! Email ideas to offwidth@jeremythomson.co.uk.